Back From Vacation

Hello everyone, I am back from vacation. A week in South America does wonders for the soul. I started in beautiful Rio and worked my way down the coast. Did you know that there are people in Brazil that haven't heard of North Bonneville? I didn't expect them to, but sometimes you wish you were world famous.

The jungles, the food, the people...it was all so amazing. I don't think I have danced that much since I was a cheerleader in high school. The music just moved me. That was actually my inspiration for my last post. I had some time to listen to a council meeting that a friend of mine had recorded. Sure, I took a certain "creative license" with it, but why not? Life is far too short to stand aside and let other people decide your fate.

Maybe it is the lingering effects of the cachaca (local rum) or the beat of the music still running through my spine, but I think life is pretty good right now. When I was in Sao Paulo, I realized something that was perhaps an altering moment. We here in NoBo have no real landmark. Everywhere I looked, there were statues and murals of common life. Children playing, women dancing and general happiness.

Why don't we have any of that? A way to express to the world who we are and what we believe! We should have a monument, statue, painting or maybe a sign. It would say something like, "Here lies a town wasted by turmoil and deceit. A town run by those that wish to twist the head of posterity from the neck of small town value."

Ok, you're right, that was a bit harsh. We need a better plan of action. I know, what if we were to focus on the children of this city instead of ourselves? Crazy, yes I know, and full of anti-borg sentiments. Think about it, the kids are the future. When I was down south I saw more play areas than I have ever seen in the US. We have one small playground with equipment that is only useful for a child under the age of seven.

We need an upgrade of our recreation program. Don't worry, I am not saying we need to hire a specialist to use thousands of dollars to say that we need to upgrade our recreation system. I think we need to do that ourselves. Trails and disc baskets are a start but we need to go farther.

I pass by a large piece of land every time I drive home from work. It already has a huge fence and is not located near any houses. Yes, that's right, I am referring to the tennis court. I have lived here for years and rarely see anyone playing tennis. However, I see a kid skateboarding near the park every time the sun shines. So why not make a skate park. Our neighbor city of Stevenson put one in a few years ago and the kids love it.

Just a thought, opinion, idea and any other method of conveyance of idea that I can come up with. Take some time and think it over, and remember, always keep the rubber side down....

Welcome to Hell

Crank the Volume!!!

Auditism...in depth and hardcore!!!

So, I stopped by the city hall yesterday and got a copy of the latest audit. OMG!!!! You would not believe what it contained! The horror and the sorrow I felt all at the same time. It filled my soul like a deep fried twinkie wrapped in bacon dipped in chocolate. Yes, they do exist and they are that scrumptious.
After all the years of wondering and questioning, it happened. The truth finally was revealed to the public. Do you know what it said? Can you imagine the issues and deceit that lay between the almost 4 pages of data? I say almost 4 because technically the first page is a cover page. There are only 3 pages that have numbers. Well, the first one and a half pages not including the cover page are realy only instruction and info about the audit. More of a basic, "this is what we look for and how we report it", sort of manual. So let's get to the meat of the report, the last page and a half.
Oh, the last half of the last page is a thank you note to the city for their cooperation, so it doesn't really count as it has links to an opinion survey and such. Form letter type items and general niceties. SOOOO, let's skip that and go to the part that really hits home. That's right, I am referring to the 2/3 of page 2 and 1/2 of page 3. Together they contain the most damning evidence that a full page of information could ever put in print.
Although, I do have to admit that, huge margins coupled with large title print, really take out about 1/4 of the remaining page. AAAAAhhhhhhh, only 3/4 of a page to expel all of the wrongdoing of our fair city! Well, not quite, there is a full line space between each paragraph along with a title for each paragraph. If you take out the title and space we aree looking at about 1/3 of a page of the most amazing notation ever seen, sort of....
The first 2 sentences talk about an executive session without attorney (back in 2008). Then the 5th and 6th sentences talk about a determination about conflict of interest in which the state auditor found nothing. The next 3 sentences refer to an expense for inner city travel (seriously?) that was paid to someone monitoring a city project. I assume this is a city planner. My advice would be to get a bike.
The last seven sentences speak to a $40,000 expenditure given by the council to someone working on Hamilton Creek. It states that the city believed it only had a few days left on a permit. Too bad the city planner was cruising around building up "inner city" expenses. Had he been at the meeting he could have told the council that they had close to a year left on the permit.
Let's tally up the numbers, 14 sentences of carzy talk. Our city is crumbling around us folks. What was that? Good, you were adding right. I haven't told you about the 3rd and 4th sentences in the actual part of the report. Apparently, our deposit fund in 2007 was over budget by $93.61.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!! They found the smoking gun. Almost $100 overspent 3 years ago. What treachery, abuse and corruption. Crap, nevermind, turns out that the money was accounted for but their wasn't an ammendment done to raise the budget. We almost had it! After all, I round off more money than that in a single month in my personal checkbook.
There was one more sentence of interest, bringing the total to 16 sentences comprising 1/4 of a page. It read as follows..."We are pleased to report no findings or management letter items."

I Am The Walrus

Sometimes the ideas just tend to flow so easily. I know what you are thinking, a walrus seems so obvious. Wait, the context of the song makes it better. Didn't spend too much time on the blend. Actually, I didn't think it needed it. My only wish is that the photo on the web had been a full head shot. After all, I could have put all the hair in the pic if I had the right shot. It works in the end right? All of the bullshit being slung in this town and no one seems to stand up against it. Why? Because there are too many kind and generous people in this city. They have the knowledge that, no matter what happens, life will go on tomorrow.
I wish that everyone in this town felt the same way. We need to secure the small town life we have and yet there are people who spend all of their time trying to dig. Dig for rumor and for lies. Coming up empty at every turn. Instead of saying, "Well I guess I was wrong", they decide that something must have been missed. Meanwhile, the kids in this city are looking for something to do. We have a business district with no businesses. By the way, I do not include our current shops as a district because they don't cause people to pull off the highway to check out what's going on.
Why is it so hard to believe in humanity? Why can people not focus on what is best for everyone? Is it impossible to thnk that people really only care about others and not themselves? Can this cityever be united?

YES!!! It will be united as soon as the walruses migrate to the hell that I hope they are destined to live in for all of eternity. They don't deserve this town, most of them don't understand this town. This is not a place to retire, it is a place to live!!! Get off of your asses and do something for your community. Plant some flowers or come up with a youth activity. Anything but slumming shit pot ideas through the sieve of idiocracy that you have sown day after day.

GOO GOO GA JOOB!!!

Fear and Loathing in NoBo

Just when I thought I had seen it all. As if worrying about NoBorillas isn't bad enough. I step out my front door and WHAM, I see this crazy looking thing walking down the bike path. The only thing stranger than a sasquatch wearing tie dye is a sasquatch sporting a "man purse". Unlike the beast from the acclaimed "Patterson" film, I was able to follow this one quite easily. It didn't take long for me to realize it was headed for the post office. Why would a sasquatch need to visit the post office? To pick up its mail of course. Since I am tired of typing the word 'sasquatch', let's come up with a name for him. I assume it was a him, however, there were some man boobs goin' on so I can't quite be sure. Anyway, from here on out let's refer to the sasquatch as Mike. Simple name, easy to remember. So, the Mike picked up his/her mail and headed over to city hall. I chose not to pursue at this point because I was fearful that the Mike may attack if cornered. Apparently this happened anyway because I heard quite a bit of roaring coming from inside a few moments later.
There was no way of telling what set off the Mike but he/she was definitely pissed about something. As the doors flew open I jumped behind a rock, let's face it, we have all seen the "Messin' with Sasquatch" commercials. The last thing I wanted was to be thrown through the woods. Lumbering down the path, the Mike was mumbling about injustice and wrongdoing. The only wrongdoing I could see was the outfit this thing was wearing. Seriously, how can you take something seriously when they aren't even concerned with their appearance? Although, it may be that it wasn't concern, just plain laziness. I had heard many reports before my own sighting that the Mike often drives to the post office. Maybe it was pissed about having to walk. That would explain the lack of hard evidence. If you have to wait forever for something to make an appearance you might not opt to take the time.
Some say the Mike drives a large van-bus type vehical. That makes sense, because I know that I wish I had a separate seat for each of my pieces of mail. Hopefully it has a bench seat as well for the occasional magazine. Perhaps we should feel lucky to have such a creature in our midst. After all, with something like that walking around I can feel free to ride a unicycle in a polka dot moo-moo and no one will notice.

Ugly Bullshit

Hello again, how is everyone tonight? Wow, thank you for the applause! That is so nice of you. Please, please quite down. I know it's hard to believe but I have to keep posting. It would seem that certain folks just don't understand. When I say people need to invest in better posts I actually mean it. By the way, if you are tracking grammar, don't bother. I could care less whether I am subjugating my verbs correctly when cross transferring them with pronounced adjective allotment.

Yes, I just made all of that up as I was typing. See how fun blogging can be? We can outright lie about things and it doesn't matter. I was recently reading another blog about this city. The name of which shall not be mentioned for fear that the gene pool will dry up in it's blazing anti-glory. The headline picture (this term is being used lightly) was that of a check with print pasted over the top. While off center and slightly blurry compared to the subtext, it was amusing.

However, against my better judgement, I read further. This did require me to turn my dumb factor from 7 to 3 but what the hey? After all, we are blogging right? So in reading some posts within the site I found some great material. Apparently, there is a group of people (by group I mean more than 2 but less than10) who are organizing a "watch group". This group is called "Cleaners" and they are all about the city well being. Except, they want people to volunteer to spy on fellow citizens and report on their comings and goings.

Way to go!!! Just when the government is poised to take the rest of our rights you decide to take it to the small town level. Bravo, that is amazing and yet sad at the same time. It does however give me something to do with my free time. So for that, I give you the first and not the last "Bullshit Award" for acts of stupidity beyond comprehension.

A Storm Is Coming

I find it interesting that some folks in this great city of ours find it necessary to cause uneccessary commotion. Some people just have way too much time on their hands if you ask me. The problem in this case tends to be that those same people don't really know what they are doing.
They think that they are doing some kind of greater good, but they are actually messing with people's lives. Spreading lies about other folks is one thing when it's kept amongst friends. However, those of you saying things about city workers that are absolute lies should be ashamed. You hear something from one of your "sources" and take it as truth. Then, to make matters worse, you twist it before passing it on. I used to play that game myself but it was in the third grade. We called it grapevine and thought it was fun. No one got hurt playing it though and it never lasted long.
Grow up a bit and learn to choose your battles. This is one you will not win. I will be here long after you are gone and I'll still be happy happy happy. I don't get flustered and angry with your BS postings and fliers. I have seen better material in a kindergarten class. The one thing I will do is to keep being the "prick" in your side.