Monkey See Monkey DooDoo

So here we are again. Spring is in the air and life is returning to North Bonneville. We may be soaked by a constant deluge, but at least the leaves are back on trees and flowers are blooming. However, spring also means the wildlife is returning. Here in NoBo, we a have a small group of primates which are endangered. They are known as NoBorillas.

They are small in number, only a dozen or so are known to be with the group. While able to use rudimentary photoshop skills, they are most comfortable using throat clearing and sign language to communicate. While most primate groups follow one alpha male, this group functions more as a collective. There are several alphas with only a few "females" acting in supportive roles.

This particular species uses bullshit as a primary food source. During truth season, when bullshit is scarce, they have also been known to feed on rumor and innuendo. A prized snack for the NoBo primate is conspiracy theory. Just a small theory has been known to insight feeding frenzies lasting an entire election season. Luckily for our park, NoBorillas have not been known to fling dung. However, they do tend to smear it on our City Hall kiosk from time to time.

Much like other rare mammals they are scared of humans. They are rarely sighted near large groups of people, tending more to spend time staring at computer screens. NoBorillas do have a migratory pattern within the city. Every couple of weeks they have been tracked to council meetings. This is where the most vocalizations have been recorded. It is believed the NoBorilla feels most secure in this setting as few humans other than council and staff are in attendance. Here they are free to whoop and scream for a period of time near the beginning of the meeting. Still, more grunts and gestures can be heard and seen throughout the meetings. These communications have been theorized as mating calls and dances. Fortunately, the NoBorilla mates for life. Thus diminishing the reproductive capability of the species as a whole.

No one knows how long this species will survive. Some speculate that with the internet comes an endless supply of bullshit. Only time will tell what is to come of the NoBorilla. If you should come face to face with this rather unpleasant species, do not be afraid. Like most wild animals, the NoBorilla can smell fear. Simply drop your head and shake it from side to side. Then utter the phrase, "Can you believe what's happening in this city?". The expected response should be something like, "It's crazy isn't it?". At this point, simply walk away and mutter about posting to the blog or talking at the next meeting. This will allow you to gain some space from the NoBorilla before uncontrollable laughter overtakes you.